Scarring Jasmine-Chapter Forty Seven Aftermath
02/012025 Saturday 21-49F Sunny
Despite the fact that from time to time people could still hear bombs and see smoke in the north through the windows and on the streets, life in the concessions generally was peaceful.
Yu’s spacious apartment now became crowded. He had a housekeeper before, but since he came back from Nanjing, that housekeeper had never showed up. To make this apartment work best for five people, he moved into the guest room which functioned as a study before, and let the ladies sleep in his bedroom: Jasmine, sister Gui, and sister Gui’s thirteen-year-old daughter Little Plum. Sister Gui’s son Little Green had to sleep on the couch in the living room.
More and more refugee shelters had been built, but still far less than the demand. Thus, the shelterless refugees had to stay on the streets permanently. Food, water, garbage, illness… every single thing every single day challenged the safety of the concession area. And Winter was approaching. To avoid capital outflows, the central government required that each household per week could only withdraw less than five percent of their current deposits, and there was a maximum amount as well.
The price of everything had increased tremendously. Since Jasmine didn’t bring any clothes with her, the only available place for her to buy garments was a second-hand small shop, where one simple cotton dress cost her five silver coins! That day Yu spent thirty silver coins on her clothes, which made Jasmine very uneasy. “Thanks Yu, I will definitely pay you back.”
“Take it easy Jasmine, I wish I could buy you some nicer ones. When the downstair shops all open, I will compensate you.” Yu comforted her.
To them, the main issue was food. Not only because it was expensive, also because the supply was very limited. Jasmine and sister Gui had to get up very early every morning to queue in the market for some fresh yet cheaper vegetables and meat; each time they were only allowed to buy a small amount. It took them a great deal of strategy to cook these plain repeated materials into daily gourmet food. Sister Gui’s philosophy was simple: “Since we need to eat every day, why not eat something better? We ought to find a tiny sweet from the bitter, otherwise what will we live for?” It was lucky that Yu was a generous man: Each week he withdrew some money and handed it to Jasmine, letting her and sister Gui purchase whatever they liked; then he buried himself in his room working.
Little Green joined the teenage scout reserve in the concession; everyday he was busy with training and patrols. Little Plum worked as a volunteer in a refugee shelter Sometimes when sister Gui and Jasmine had time, they went there as well to help with cooking and cleaning. They settled in happily like a family: Sister Gui took the role of the mother, while the others were daughters and sons. In the evenings after dinner when Yu wasn’t that busy, he would teach Little Green English and Little Plum sketching. Little Green loved to show off his English in front of others; once he got a chance to communicate with Western people, he would be excited for days: “Mother, today I saw a blond-haired lady and said ‘Good morning’ to her; she understood; she smiled at me saying ‘Good morning’ too! Isn’t it exciting?”
Then sister Gui would answer: “So you should work hard on your schooling and one day be like Uncle Yu, who can talk with those white devils as easily as speaking his mother tongue and earn their big dollars.”
They all laughed. “Mother, it isn’t dollars; it is pounds!” Little Green corrected, “Besides, you shouldn’t call them white devils. Some of them are good people; they don’t kick and spit at us.”
“That is what they should do. You shouldn’t take the normal as kindness.” Sister Gui reminded.
Most of the time, the daily news of the war wasn’t that encouraging. At the beginning occasionally there was some good news; but about two weeks later, fewer and fewer victories were reported. One month later, no-one in Yu’s apartment had the courage to pick up the newspapers. They all tried to forget about the war, and focused on what they could do: For instance, cook a nice meal with the limited sources, wash a white bed sheet clean, help an old man push his handcart up the stairs, bring an ill kid some medicine and hot water…
November eleventh, after nearly three months’ fight, with the death of one hundred ninety thousand Chinese soldiers, the mayor of Shanghai announced that the Japanese had occupied Shanghai and won the war.
Upon hearing the news, everyone was silent. Then sister Gui rose from her chair: “Ok, from now on we will be the folks in our conquered land! Let’s start to pack our things and go back home tomorrow. The war is over, our lives will continue. No matter who the emperor is, we folks still have to dig out our own food from our own land. Nothing to be sad about, perhaps one day our army will fight back. We are going to have a feast today to bid goodbye—To the retreated troops, to the lost war, as well as to Yu and Jasmine, giving thanks for the three months’ hospitality and generosity.”
That day, sister Gui insisted on using her money to buy beef at a very high price for dinner. Before they went to bed, she took Jasmine to the kitchen and closed the door. “Jasmine, here are five hundred silver coins in this parcel, they are all the savings I have. I would like to split them and let you keep half. You and Yu did us a great favor, gave us a home, which couldn’t be bought by money.”
“Sister Gui, we can’t take your money. I don’t need it at all, and Yu has enough money for both of us. Once you get back home, a lot of things may need to be fixed, so these savings will be very useful for you. Tomorrow I will go together with you to Zhabei.”
“Why did you say that? Yu is a nice man; you should stay here with him.”
“Sister Gui, I know Yu is nice; but he is my ex-husband, it isn’t proper for me to live alone with him. I have nothing now but a scar on my face; any expectation will only bring me shame and torture.”
“Don’t sell yourself cheap, Jasmine.” Sister Gui patted her back tenderly, “Stay a little longer, see what will happen. My home is your home, you can come back and live with us whenever you want. These days we all live under the same roof, so he doesn’t have chance to say something private to you. As an outsider, perhaps I can see things clearer than you. Do have belief in him, and yourself.”
The following day Yu drove them to sister Gui’s house. The streets were resuming activity: Most of the refugees had left, the rest of them were packing their things; outside the concession some shops were reopened; and a few rickshaw pullers chatted at the curb waiting for business. The war seemed to have long gone. The folks were the ones that suffered most, but also the ones who recovered soonest, because they were driven by their and their families’ hungry stomachs. Along the way, they could see destroyed buildings everywhere; they also passed a warehouse on the walls of which there were thousands of bullet holes.
Sister Gui’s house wasn’t damaged much; except for one collapsed wall and a hole in the roof, the other parts of the structure still seemed ok. The lock on the door was broken; they went in. Most of the furniture remained, but the blankets and comforters were gone. “It will need about two hundred fifty silver coins to repair the house.” Yu estimated after his inspection. Both sister Gui and Jasmine chuckled. Yu wore a confused look: “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” sister Gui answered, “you are exactly correct. It needs two hundred fifty silver coins.”
“Sister Gui,” Yu smiled at her, “if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.”
“Thank you, I surely will.”
Then Yu accompanied Jasmine to her room. Unsurprisingly the door was open. Other than a broken teapot on the floor, the stove, the rattan bed and that trestle table, everything else all disappeared.
“So I have to start over again, just like three years ago when I came here.” Jasmine sat on the bed, looking depressed.
“It is all right;” Yu held her in his arms, which was the first time he did it to her during these three months, “you don’t need anything else, you have me now.”
Before they left, they also went to see Zhang’s shop. The damage in that area was more severe than sister Gui’s lane; almost two whole blocks were destroyed. A young man squatted at the site of Zhang’s shop sorting broken bricks; another man stood a few steps away, asking: “Will you bury your uncle in Shanghai?”
“No,” that young man answered, “I will take his ash back to the hometown first. Then I will return and build a woodwork shop here.”
“Destroy, rebuild.” Yu murmured, and turned to Jasmine, “Let’s go home now.”
Yu drove her to his apartment building. “Jasmine, let’s do something to cheer us up. Could you please buy me a perch? I know you always try to save my money, but today I want something nice for dinner. I will come back home in a short while.” He gave Jasmine a charming smile and drove away.
The market wasn’t busy since it was late afternoon. Jasmine checked a few fish shops but couldn’t find perch. Then she passed a big tub and caught a beautiful perch swimming in it. She stopped, examining that perch: It was about one and half pounds, the perfect weight for steaming; its scales shone a bluish silvery golden color, and sometimes it made a few playful bubbles in the water, as if it felt quite content to stay alone and wait for someone.
Suddenly she wanted to cry. She was like a fish, but an unhappy one, in a tub. No matter how hard it swam, it just couldn’t get out of the tub! Tailor Zhang, the sewing machine, her little shop and those four hundred fifty silver coins; and without Zhang’s help, she even couldn’t have saved so much money! She felt very tired and disappointed. All her three years’ efforts became vain, she was still where she had been; and what was the end of it? If Yu wouldn’t marry her, where could she go? Going back to Suzhou and living in her mother and brother’s house? For sure they wouldn’t mind; but what her life would be? To find someone to remarry? Or to help her sister-in-law take care of the house and children waiting for her last day to come? If that was the case, then why had she refused Zhang’s proposal and turned down her brother’s request asking her to go home? What was her pursuit?
There was another option: Once before a man promised that he would build a house for her in a place called Peach Blossom Dock; and that he would plant thirty acres of peach trees for her; and that he would protect her from unknowns and provide her with the best knowns. No woman would have the heart to forget such a promise. He told her brother that the house was built and he would wait for her. Should she give him one more chance after the price she had paid for her freedom? Would he change his mind upon seeing her ruined face?
She felt something twitching in her mind. Was it her fear of the future that brought on those thoughts?
“Sister, you have been watching my fish for a long time.” A voice interrupted her thinking. It was from the shop owner, a chubby man in his thirties who was staring at her scar interestedly. “Will you buy it or not? My booth will be closed pretty soon.”
Jasmine turned the disfigured side of her face away, “Oh, I am sorry. Yes, I will buy it.”
The dinner was served: One steamed perch, one dish of stir fried bok choy with shiitake, plus one oyster tofu soup. The main food was sticky rice.
“Jasmine, what’s the matter? You haven’t touched your chopsticks yet.” Yu noticed her sulky pout during dinner.
“I have no appetite.”
Yu reached out his hand for hers and squeezed it gently: “Today is our first time to dine with each other alone. Don’t you feel happy?”
Jasmine drew out her hand and left the table, touching her scar with her hand, “I don’t know, Yu. I am confused. I don’t know who I am, nor where I will be. You can’t understand how much I dislike myself now; I am so unconfident in front of you. I shouldn’t have come back here today.”
Yu watched her from his seat; her distress was so sincere that it moved him. He stood up and walked to her, pressed her head to his: “Jasmine, don’t be so fearful and keep denying yourself. There is always a solution for each situation.” He took out a little box from his pants’ pocket and opened it. From there Jasmine saw a pearl ring, one single large white pearl mounted on the gold ring which perfectly matched the earrings that Yu had bought for her. “I noticed this ring one year ago; it reminded me of you. Thanks for giving me the chance to buy it. I knew you were hurt before, by me and the others. But please do have courage and remarry me.”
Jasmine was shocked upon seeing the ring; then after hearing Yu’s words, she squatted down burying her face in her arms and started to sob. Her shoulders were shaking from uncontrollable emotion. Yu bent down, slid the ring on her middle finger, then stroked her hair, speaking quietly: “Jasmine, the war made me realize how fragile life was, and how important you were to me. During these three months living together, I clearly understood what happiness was: A warm home, a lovely woman, and a life-worthy career. Without constraint, without offering his love and being loved, a man’s freedom will grow into weeds. I no longer need your answer about whether you remain my nail hole or not; you have nailed yours into mine, and it is irremovable. Let’s jump into the stream of our lives together, swim upstream or downstream as hard as possible, feeding each other.”
Jasmine lifted her tearful face and stood up slowly; she felt a little embarrassed for her strong emotion. Yu dried her face with his handkerchief, and his breath caressed her forehead. So, he would be her man; after all these years lost and found, he would be hers again, and she his. An enormous joy filled her heart; she looked at him admiringly and gratefully and couldn’t help kissing his lips. He embraced her right away, responding to her with his great enthusiasm. Then all of a sudden, he stopped; his face shone with a feverish flush. “Jasmine,” his spoke in an undertone, “now I have another request which I have suppressed for a long time. Do you want to listen?”
“Yes, please.” Yu whispered in her ear. “I couldn’t hear it well. What did you say?” Jasmine asked.
Yu raised his voice: “I want to sleep with you right now! I can’t wait any longer!” She instantly blushed.
Next day they signed their papers in a well-known newspaper office, then did some shopping and took photos in a photo studio. Their marriage notice was posted on one newspaper page the following day, which was very simple: “Jasmine Bai and Yu Wang were married in Shanghai on November Twelfth, 1937.” They didn’t hold any wedding party; sister Gui hosted a dinner for them in her house as a celebration after hearing the news from Jasmine later that day. “See, I told you. I knew it would happen.” Sister Gui said to her.
That evening before they went to bed, Jasmine sat on a stool, let down her hair and put on her pearl earrings. “What’s that?” Yu asked in a great interest.
Jasmine handed him a mahogany wood comb, saying: “Yu, could you please help me comb my hair? Comb from the top to the end.” Yu obeyed. He held her hair in one hand, and started to comb it with the other one. Jasmine prayed while he was doing this:
“The first combing, may your marriage have a happy ending;
The second combing, may you own sons and grandchildren;
The last combing, may your life be long and enjoying.”
Tears began to roll down to her nightgown; she thought of First Madam’s words: “Last night I dreamt about going back to my youth: I held my hair in hand, was so thrilled to find that it was in a thick bunch, as thick as my wrist. I told myself that my hair didn’t fall at all, I was still young. Well, then I woke up, and checked my hair immediately, expecting to find the same sized bunch that had appeared in my dream. Of course the reality was very disappointing. I forever lost those blooming years! You are too young to understand how horrible it is getting old, bit by bit, just like watching leaves fall one after another from a tree, ruthlessly but fatefully.”
Yu was surprised to see her tears. He stopped combing, nuzzled her hair from behind and asked: “Jasmine, is it because we didn’t hold a big wedding party, so you cry? We still can do it, either in Shanghai or Suzhou.”
“No, Yu, it isn’t because of that. I just thought of how unpredictable life was, how fatefully something has to happen, and how long my current happiness will last!”
“Jasmine, each little fish owns its part of the ocean, and deserves its happiness to swim in it without fear. When facing eternal Nature, we must accept our insignificance, then embrace this moment as hard as we can.”
She also found Shanyuan at the address which he left to her and told him about her remarriage. The following day Shanyuan and his wife Jasmy visited Jasmine’s home. Since the first time he heard about Wang’s son from his mother until he eventually met Yu, more than ten years had gone by. The two men quite liked each other. They were different, yet in some ways also very similar.
Mumei was overjoyed when he received this remarriage news from Jasmine; he wrote back to her at once: “I could never have thought that one day you two would be together again. Start with him, end with him, the circle is drawn complete.”
Unsurprisingly, the first day after the marriage notice was posted on the newspaper page, Yu received his father’s call in the office: “Ok, you never had a father; but why did you withhold it from your mother? Are you motherless as well? You just telephoned her a week ago but she never heard a word from you about your remarriage, until someone just called me and said congratulations! Is this all you have learnt in the past thirty-one years?” Then he heard someone interrupt his father on the phone, and Shen’s voice said: “Son, your marriage is a big thing. You should have told us earlier. Now everyone is asking us about this. Why not come back home with Jasmine so we can spend some days together? She can visit her family as well. Your father will help you with the tickets. You haven’t been home for six years…” Shen wept.
But the situation didn’t allow them to visit their parents. After the occupation of Shanghai, Japanese troops and aircraft followed the Chinese national army, bombing along the Yangtze River from Shanghai to Suzhou, to Wuxi, to Changzhou; at last they arrived in Nanjing in December, and massacred three hundred thousand Chinese soldiers and folks in six weeks. History called it “The Rape of Nanjing.”
However, the folks could only remain silent. What could they do? They had no impact on history. As sister Gui said, “no matter who the emperor is, we folks still have to dig out our own food from our own land, and perhaps one day our army will fight back.”
Even though as Wang’s son, Yu didn’t have a big house and servants; even though many others were suffering the same misery of being raped by the enemy, Jasmine got her petty happiness—Yu’s two-bedroom apartment was her heaven, and she considered Yu the best man in the world. Her love for him grew every day. Just like Mumei wrote in the letter:
“If all the suffering was meant to lead me to where I am now, then it was worthwhile.”
Jasmine also wrote her first letter to First Madam, four years after she left Qian’s house. “I cut up my face and came to Shanghai; here I met a man whom I loved so much, more than my life.” She told First Madam and enclosed a photo of her and Yu.
Due to the war, she received First Madam’s response a few weeks later. “I am so proud of you. The scar was a medal for your courage; it made you unique, then rewarded you with a man who truly loved you rather than your appearance. You still look adorable from the photo that you sent me, and your husband is the best-looking man I ever saw. So, enjoy your life, embrace it.
My life here is always the same. Since this Spring, I coughed more than before. The doctor advised me to quit opium, but I refused. My health and life aren’t important; I have died since long ago. Opium is my last pleasure in this world, or my last piece of life.
My younger son Zhongyou died half a month ago. He entered an air force training school in Hangzhou one month after you left and started to fly his aircraft and take missions this Summer. Since the war began, he had shot down four enemy aircraft in less than five months; I remember each date of them—Because every time after he did it, he would tell me proudly about all the details. Then I lost him in one battle that took place in Nanjing; at his last moment, he chose to crash his damaged aircraft into an enemy’s warship. The two of them exploded; we couldn’t recover his body.
My son Zhongyou in my mind was still that spoiled child, a playboy, who never took anything seriously. How could I imagine that he was so committed to his mission? If he stood aside, if he didn’t choose to be a pilot during the war, he could have a long long life to go now; he could have a lot of exciting things to enjoy because he had a super-rich father. So which version of my son should I love more? The willful spoiled young kid, or the determined brave hero?
I always wonder: I am his mother; I gave him his flesh and blood; I felt the pain when his father slapped his face. Was he afraid every time he flew his aircraft? What was in his mind when he flew toward the warship? Could he feel that tremendous suffering when everything around him exploded? Or he could feel nothing because his body just instantly burned into ashes? I am his mother; I gave him his flesh and blood. He should be responsible for my feelings. I didn’t give him permission to dispose of his life, then he shouldn’t have done it! Please tell me, am I correct or not?
Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you about this; I should have borne the sorrow alone. But when I saw you and your husband’s photo, I couldn’t help thinking about him and telling you all this. He was only one year younger than you; he was unmarried; perhaps you still didn’t know that once before he was your admirer who admired you in his secret yet enthusiastic way. Now he is dead, everything is gone; please do forgive a grey-haired mother for her deep sorrow since she has nobody to talk with.
Bitao left two years ago. Master must have felt very lonely since you left so eight months later he married another concubine who was even younger than you. I guess from then on, Bitao started to feel desperate; and afterward she was caught in bed with a servant. Master chased her out of the house without giving her one copper. She was forty-one then, no child, no family, what would she live on? I never liked her, but still felt sympathetic for her. She was just a poor woman.
The new concubine lived in Bitao’s house after that. Master isn’t very fond of her, but right now she is in her sixth month of pregnancy. Master hopes that it will be a boy—A compensation for the loss of Zhongyou; and he is also considering investing in the military business to memorialize our younger son.
The war didn’t cause too many inconveniences for us, except that one of our servants’ houses was bombed by the Japanese last month other than, of course, it took away my favorite son. The house can be rebuilt, but I lost Zhongyou forever. I have lived too long; I wish I could give my life to him.
Right now I can’t write down anything anymore, my brain is blurred. Please forgive me.”
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